You Can’t Outsource This: Why Leading Your Family Spiritually Starts With You

A few years back, a quiet but heavy realization hit me: I couldn’t outsource my kids' spiritual growth.

Not to a Sunday School teacher. Not to our pastor. Not to a Christian school.

Those voices mattered, sure. But they weren’t mine. And what my family needed was a father who didn’t just believe in God—but walked with Him. Out loud. In the open. In the home.

The culture of our house was going to be shaped most by what I lived, not what others taught.

Learning to Carry the Weight Without Getting Crushed

When that truth first sank in, I responded the only way I knew how: I tightened my grip. I wanted to control everything. Every lesson, every prayer, every moment.

And honestly? That didn’t work.

It took me a long time to get to a healthier place—where I still saw it as my responsibility to lead spiritually, but not as my right to micromanage it. Where I still made sure the example started with me, but welcomed voices of support from the church, community, and other mentors.

I learned that my leadership didn’t have to be exclusive to still be essential.

What Happens When You Hit a Dry Season

When I go through seasons of spiritual dryness, I notice the emotional distance creeping in first. Apathy. Frustration. Low-level discouragement that lingers like a fog.

But here’s what I’ve found:

In dry seasons, your example speaks louder than ever.

So even when I don’t feel it, I draw near to God. Not just for my sake, but because my wife and kids are watching. They’re learning what it looks like to pursue God even when it doesn’t come easy.

When I press in, I show them something they can follow. When I don’t—I risk teaching them that faith is conditional.

Here’s What That Looks Like in My Life

My rhythms probably sound like a lot. But they weren’t built overnight. They were built out of a battle.

• I wake up and thank God for the day. I pray over my attitude and my family.

• I read the Word. I follow a Bible plan. I listen to Daily Audio Bible while stretching.

• When my kids are home, we do family prayer and declarations. We remind each other who we are and Who we belong to.

• At lunch, we go through our family prayer wall and read from the children’s Bible.

• My wife and I then break for solo devotional time—prayer, scripture journaling, quiet time, even naps with the Psalms playing.

• Later in the day, I revisit scripture again, pray before work, and end my night praying over my family while they sleep.

Is it a lot? Sure. But my mind is a battlefield, and I’m fighting for peace and presence in our home.

Spiritual Leadership Is About Evidence, Not Expertise

I spent eight years in seminary. But I’m telling you now: Your family doesn’t need a theologian. They need a man who walks with God.

That means if you believe in God, you talk to Him. If you say the Bible matters, you read it. If you say faith is real, you live like it is.

Being the spiritual leader of your home doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It means you’re present. It means you’re consistent. It means you show up when it’s easy, and when it’s not.

And when you fall short? You recover. You repent. You press back in.

That alone models something powerful.

You Don’t Have to Do Everything. But You Can’t Do Nothing.

Let me level with you:

If the first thing you say is, "My wife handles the spiritual stuff," then you’ve likely taken a backseat.

This isn’t about dominating or doing everything yourself. It’s about stepping forward with strength and humility. It’s about linking arms with your wife—not leaving her to carry it alone.

Leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about showing up.

And when you show up with consistency and conviction, everything in your home starts to shift.

Your family begins to absorb your consistency. Your wife feels secure in your leadership. Your kids start asking deeper questions at dinner.

It becomes a legacy.

Your Faith Is a Generational Gift

My hope isn’t just that my kids remember what I believed. It’s that they carry it for themselves.

I want them to live with the presence of God as part of their daily reality. To know how to open the Bible and hear something real. To be familiar with prayer—not as a ritual, but as relationship.

And one day, I want their kids to know that too.

Spiritual leadership is legacy work. It might feel slow today. It might feel hidden, quiet, unheard. But it builds strength that lasts for generations.

You don’t have to get it all right. You just have to start leading in the direction of the God who never left you.

The faith practices I follow are woven into the rest of my life—part of a larger framework that brings all of it into alignment. That’s what we built the Five Pillars Alignment Course to help with: a starting point for men who want structure to lead in their homes with faith, not just theory. Learn more at thomaswilcoxfamilyman.com.