When You Lose It: A Father’s Guide to Sitting with Failure and Moving Forward

When You Lose It: A Father’s Guide to Sitting with Failure and Moving Forward

No one told me how heavy it would feel to fail as a dad.
Not fail in the big, dramatic ways—but in the everyday moments.
Like losing your temper.
Like correcting your child in anger instead of calm.
Like hearing yourself say something you wish you could take back.

Today, I want to talk about what happens when we mess up—and how to get back up in a way that actually heals, not just hides.

The Moment That Broke Me a Bit

The kids were fighting.
It wasn’t the first time that day. Probably the fifteenth.
And then one of them got a little physical—not brutal, just unkind.
And I snapped.

Instead of pausing…
Instead of sending them to cool off…
Instead of collecting myself before correcting them…
I acted out of anger.

I didn’t hurt anyone. But I went too far—too sharp, too harsh, too fast.
And afterward?
I felt crushed.
Like I had failed them. Like I had failed myself. Like I shouldn’t even carry the title “Dad.”

The Lies That Creep In

In that low moment, the thoughts came quick and loud:

• “You’re not qualified to lead this family.”
  

• “You’re ruining them.”
  

• “You should know better.”
  

• “You’re the problem.”
  

I don’t think I’m the only one who hears those lies.
They come when we love deeply—but fall short.
And the pain of that gap… it cuts.

The Hardest Thing: Sitting With It

Here’s what I’ve learned:
It’s easy to run from those feelings.
To numb them with work, with distraction, with silence.
But healing begins when we do the harder thing—sit with them.

That means pausing.
Not spiraling.
Owning it.

“I acted in anger. That wasn’t right.”
“I need to apologize to my daughter. To my wife. To the Lord. Even to myself.”
That kind of humility is rare. But it’s the beginning of change.

What Our Family Needs Isn’t Perfection

Our families don’t need a perfect man.
They need a present one.

They need a father who is:

• Willing to say, “I was wrong.”
  
  

• Quick to soften when he’s been too sharp.
  
  

• Brave enough to face his own shame and respond with repentance.
  
  

My daughter doesn’t need a superhero.
She needs a dad who can say, “I’m sorry. I love you. I’m learning.”

What Helped Me Move Through the Shame

Two things changed how I walk through failure:

1. Remembering who gave me the title “Father.”
   Even when I feel unworthy, God saw every mistake I’d ever make—and still called me to lead this family.
   
   

2. Knowing grace is real.
   My failure didn’t surprise God. His mercy was already there. And because I’m forgiven, I can lead again—not from guilt, but from gratitude.
   
   

To the Dad Who Thinks He’s Screwed Up Too Many Times

Let me talk straight to you:

If you’re still feeling the weight of it…
If your conscience is tugging at your heart…
That means there’s still time.

It’s not too late.

• Not too late to say sorry.
  

• Not too late to humble yourself.
  

• Not too late to change how you show up.
  

Even if it’s been five years of missteps… fifteen… fifty…
You can start a new legacy today.

What Helped Me Reset: The Dad Mode Journal

I’ve been developing something simple that helps us as dads keep our heart soft and our mind clear: the Dad Mode Activated Journal.

It’s not a magic fix.
But it’s a daily reminder to stay aligned.
To lead with love.
To process failure and move forward well.

If you’ve been needing something to help you reset, reclaim peace, and lead your home with intention—start there.